Life in a small nutshell

I sometimes wonder what happened to our life. When you bring a child into this world, there is a cruel instant, which has no prejudice against you or favor towards you. It “Just is” and at that acute frozen moment in time your life is forever different. There’s no room for trepidation in your life choices at that moment. You have to have a purpose. No more compromising. No more capricious hedonistic behavior. You have responsibilities.

On any Saturday night a few years ago, my wife and I could be caught at the Bennigans on Ann Arbor Road in Plymouth sucking down tall frothy cool ones and over indulging in one or more of their over caloric appetizers. We would be in the same corner booth right near the bar joined by her sister, sister’s husband and group of loyal friends that go all the way back to high school. Usually we would close the place down and then, on a few occasions, go bowling. Episodes like that would cause me to call in “Sick” to work at 4 in the morning more times than I should have.

On those hangover mornings we would usually make a B-Line for one of the nearest Coney Island’s. Nothing is better than starting your day with a hot cup of coffee served in a smooth beige restaurant mug and a giant breakfast accompanied with the best tasting stack of pancakes that no matter what, you can’t replicate at home.

Motorcycling had become a major influence in my life years back and its influence occupied almost every thought it seemed. I loved my BMW adventure bike so much my wife went out and bought a scaled down model so we could go riding together. Back in 2004 we took a two lane trip through the picturesque Roosevelt Highway 6 out to upstate New York to visit an old Army buddy of mine. Whatever we wanted to do and whenever we wanted to do it were never an issue.

March 16 2006 was a very long day. The night before, I had taken my wife to the labor and delivery ward of St. Mary’s hospital in Livonia. She was having contractions and was at the end of her forty weeks. That afternoon, after 10 hours of arduous labor, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. To say I was overjoyed at that moment would be a tremendous understatement. There was such a great feeling of being high that only someone who has had a similar experience or a drug addict in the intense comfort of their addiction would fathom.

It has been two years since that magical day and we have adapted into a new routine of life. My wife and I see a lot less of each other but we are fortunate enough to share our evenings together after a sometimes grueling day at work. On the days I work my wife stays at home and the days she works it’s my turn to watch our little boy. This is how we save billions of dollars a year by keeping him out of daycare.

Long gone are the weekends where we would wake up only when we cared to and to even think about going out to eat means bringing the baby which is a great idea if you want to order food and then have to leave before it arrives because the little one sees fit to start a temper tantrum in a crowded restaurant. Just one time is all it takes to give a parent P.T.S.D., which I’m told will go away when your child is around four years of age.

Going on vacation so far has consisted of little mental journeys of where we have been and where we may go in a couple of years without committing to any strict plans. There will be no more two wheeled holidays for a long time. Between work and watching the boy on a daily basis there is no longer adequate time to ride my beloved BMW that would provide any visceral satisfaction. Having ridden around the country and up to Alaska, keeping the bike around for four mile commutes to work just doesn’t cut the mustard.

We like to hang on to dreams or maybe illusions of a life we think we can still lead but it never, in the true sense of the word, succeeds. The priority of being a parent eventually supersedes any self involvement and as hard as it would be for anyone to give up a dream, I sold my motorcycle this fall and my wife’s will be gone this spring. Life takes new directions and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

The whole experience of a family’s evolution and needed sacrifices are more powerful than our selfish material wants or instant gratifications and in the end, if you look close enough with a keen eye or a patient heart, its rewards will give you more than you could ever have imagined.